sweet child o’mine

June 26th 2015

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 i’m officially 12 weeks into this whole motherhood gig.

the baby police have yet to take my little person away from me; although hunkiest and i did catch her the other night putting in a request for a transfer.

our sutton is slowly finding her groove.

her parents?

the jury is still out.

her preferred method of communication is still crying.

she LOVES to cry.

not that i expected sundown, elizabethan poetry recitals, but a taylor swift song, at least to break up the afternoon wailing and the midnight waterloos, would be nice once in a while.

the pediatrician assured me her fondness for gibber and grandstand for pop music will come soon enough.

we had her first shots on monday.

sutton barely winced.

her father and i, on the other hand, cried so hard we both vomited, needed a tight swaddle each for soothing, and were simultaneously breastfed by the nurse.

if it’s true the apple doesn’t fall far from the spin bike than baby girl’s first words will most likely be a profanity-laced casserole of expletives.

we’re taking bets on the following:

motherfucker, goddamnit, cock-sucker, or fuckyoufisherprice.

money is already stowed away for sutton’s future therapy bills, and i’ve cleared my schedule for the parent/teacher conferences coming my way.

while most moms are researching pre-schools and sleep-trainers {the best}, i’m getting her on the “list” for rehabs and military academies.

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i pretty much feel like i’m doing everything wrong….all. of. the. time.

from diapering to bedtime stories, {she’s more US WEEKLY than Vanity Fair,} i fall asleep counting the number of fails of the day rather than sheep.

even my “mommy” nightmares are wrong:

girlfriend asked me if i was having the “standard,” pre-requisite-to-being-a-good-mother-nightmare:

where you’re dreaming that you’re “rolling over on your baby in bed and smothering her?”

will

um, that would be a “no.”

yes, i am having this re-occurring nightmare

and it IS absolutely terrifying.

we’re talking cold sweats, screams, and a fear of falling asleep at night.

but instead of harming my sweet baby, i dream that i still haven’t been asked to my jr. prom, and all of my friends already have dates.

so we know where MY priorities lie.

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luckily for my own, my husband’s, and my daughter’s sanity, i went back to work last week.

it’s definitely a lighter schedule than i’m used to, but it’s enough so that i’m getting my brain wrapped around things besides sleep schedules and formula ounces.

although i worked out until the day i delivered it was at a much lighter intensity; my workouts feel hard, but SO SO good!

i gained 40lbs with my pregnancy; 17 of which still hasn’t come off.

i used to wear boyfriend jeans. now i wear these-are-why-your-boyfriend-broke-up-with-you jeans.

funny though, for all the crazy body image issues i’ve dealt with in my life, this is the least i’ve cared about how i look, how much i weigh, or how much i’ve worked out for the week.

i’m just so grateful to FEEL good again {after a wretched pregnancy,} and to have a healthy, beautiful baby girl.

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so let’s talk about that girl.

my girl.

my girl with the birthday cake breath.

 yes she likes to cry.

but i, of course, think it’s the prettiest cry in the land, like a choir of forest fairies lullabying the violets and dandelions to sleep for the night.

when she’s overly exhausted, you can hear heartbreak in her cry. it brings me to tears; like when nina simone laments over lost love, or when i discover i’m out of coffee.

no, she doesn’t always sleep through the night.

in fact, she’s sometimes partial to the every 45 minute dance party–especially between the hours of 11pm and 4am.

my under-eye dark circles have become my new, signature “look.”

one day i will miss these middle of the night wake-up calls: that gummy smile, those eyes so bright and sparkly they light up her pitch-black nursery, buckling my knees with a love i’m convinced can solve all of the world’s problems.

forget drones and peace talks……i dare ANYONE to have hate in their heart after a baby looks you square in the eye, and cups your cheek for comfort.

or try being angry when the dead-weight, sack of flour, of a newborn naps in the crook of your neck.

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other than this new mammal under our roof, things are pretty much the same.

our beasts still run the show, and we just pay their mortgage; in no way have are they in second place.

i’m still not ready to talk about the “game of thrones” finale so let’s just leave it that.

i wouldn’t take any book recommendations from me for a while—i’m only trying to read books where i don’t have to think, cry, or care about anyone in them—so pretty much kathie lee gifford and i have started our own book club.

my fantasies these days aren’t of white sand beaches or first class to morocco—lately i’d give my left foot for an ativan sandwich and 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

i have NO idea what this season’s summer sandal or IT-bag is…my accesories of late consist of spit-up and my night-guard; anything and EVERYTHING to ensure that i will never get pregnant again.

we are DONE.

one and DONE.

so who sutton looks like?

 she is the carbon copy of me as a baby except without any eyebrows…we’re hoping misha nesselrod will soon come to her rescue.

although, if you ask my mother, she says {and i quote} “sutton looks like axl rose after he gained all of that weight.

?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

so there you have it.

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according to my mother folks, that’s my baby ⬆︎.

and yes, grandma {aka “gigi”} is no longer babysitting for us.

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so as i wrap up this post, over the internet and television, breaking news is coming in that the united states supreme court has made the landmark ruling to provide same-sex couples with the right to marry in all 50 states.

i hope my computer doesn’t short out from the tears flooding down my face into my keyboard.

this is not hormonal emotion, this is human elation.

long overdue, but a welcome decision—it’s still hard to wrap my brain around the fact that people who love each other need the government’s permission…but that’s another post…

i am euphoric for my friends, my family, my daughter, and my fellow americans, gay and straight.

we have taken a supreme court step towards a more tolerant and loving society.

this is a great day.

friday-equality-for-all-to you m’loves!

it’s friday i’m in LOVE……

April 24th 2015

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friday dark circles and breast pump blisters to you m’loves.

we are three weeks into parenthood, and cherishing whatever sleep we can get.

jones and priscilla, already on nanny-duty, insist on supervising every feed and diaper change. they, too, are grabbing naps at any opportunity.

besides the new little person and my loyal beasts {yes that includes my husband} here are some other things i’m LOVING this week:

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during our hospital stay, the one piece of advice we received over and over again was the importance of having ridiculously, clean hands. until my girl gets her shots {which she most certainly will—-please don’t go there with me,} her immune system is vulnerable to germs and other uglies lurking on door handles, faucets, and cell phones.

have you ever looked at how germy cell phones get?!?! blech. it’ll stop you in your tracks next time you grab your android to facebook post.

besides mandatory hand washing for all, the doctors and nurses encouraged us to have anti-bacterial gel throughout our house.

i’m actually still dealing with a rash i caught from the gel they used at the hospital—super harsh to my skin, with ingredients more irritating than anne hathaway. so i was happy to find this more natural version from bath + body works.

eucalyptus and spearmint scented, this gel kills germs, smells heavenly, and doesn’t irritate mine or baby’s skin.

oats

thank you to all who have offered me links for various “lactation cookies” to help with the breastfeeding; but the last thing this post-partum bitch needs is another cookie to eat–my pre-pregnancy weight is a long, 22lbs away and these maternity jeans aren’t getting any looser.

i’m sticking with {and luckily i LOVE} trader joe’s organic oatmeal.

super quick to make and it is perfectly delicious just on its own—no need to add sweetener or milk.

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are you guys watching lip sync battle!??!

my stretches of tv time are lately confined to 30 minute increments {usually with me attached to a breast pump.}

and i’m kind of over anything too heavy, involving kidnapping, murder, or the abuse of a child and or animal. even keeping up with the kardashians seems to border on child abuse for this hormonal mommy—-seriously? when did that sweet, little kylie turn into rupaul?

lip sync battle is the perfect, 22 minute, giggle-inducing, brain-cell diminishing, small-screen nibble.

anne hathaway’s version of “wrecking ball” officially shuts down all her haters……

:-|

 and as if ll cool j. hosting isn’t reason enough to watch.

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so i’m on my third go-round of pamela druckerman’s bringing up bebe.

an american living in paris, druckerman investigates the intricacies of french parenting and how it leads to independent, self-sufficient, non-bratty, happy children.

hunkiest and i are trying to perfect “the pause”—-a tool in teaching your baby how to self-soothe without hysterics or leaving your baby feeling insecure or untrusting….no this is NOT letting your baby “cry it out” uncontrollably so back that opinon truck up right now.

the only crying-it-out taking place in this household is mine…..boo-hoo’ing over the fact that i still give a rat’s ass about grey’s anatomy {major spoiler in link….}

i’m actually trying to employ “the pause” in other areas of my life needing a little less reactivity: my neighbor’s 6:30am saturday tree-trimming, my portion control come mid-afternoon, and now ABC primetime television.

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i’ve pretty much stayed house-bound these last couple of weeks; any forray out into public becomes a drinking game opportunity where hunkiest and i take a shots every time someone tells me how tired i look…since i kind of want to avoid fetal alcohol disorder and we’ve run out of uber drivers,  i’m limiting my outings.

when i do have to venture past my front door i make sure i’m shellacked in urban decay’s illuminating beauty balm. this vegan sunscreen/moisturizer/dark eye circle disguise helps me look a little less zombie, a little more planet earth.

so that’s all i got.

care to share what’s in your friday pocket o’favorites?

see you on the other side of sunday m’loves.

what i’ve been googling lately?

April 21st 2015

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so with just a little over two weeks in to this motherhood gig i can attest to the following ultimates: i am the happiest, the sleepiest, the most-frightened, most crazy in love {with baby, husband, + beasts,} and the most fulfilled of my entire life.

we’re on the every three-hour feed schedule which really means i am awake every TWO hours so i can feed, burp, pump, and think irrational, paralyzing thoughts.

hunkiest and i ditched all of our pre-natal classes for grilled cheese sandwiches and truffle fries at eat chow; so much of this has been on-the-job training.

google is our bitch.

she’s helped me find the best foods for breast milk production {oatmeal,} and coached me on how to install a car seat without getting a divorce {let the wife do it.}

here are a few other google searches in my caché:

how early before my newborn sleeps through the night?

how long does fireball stay in breast milk?

woman’s world record for oatmeal consumption….

oatmeal toxicity…..can you overdose on oatmeal? 

golden retriever night nurses…..

training your dog to change diapers….

the birthday cake diet.

how many susiecakes does it take for diabetes to set in?

sleep deprivation used as a method of torture.

can you die from lack of sleep?

do newborns require a ticket for coachella?

toned biceps from burping your infant.

how to swaddle my 42-year-old husband?

cataclysmic euphoria: a new mom’s love for her baby.

wish you a tuesday of cataclysmic euphoria m’loves.

p.s. the winner for the “knocked-up fitness” giveaway is Jenn Salusbury–please email me so i can send you your prize.

 

my newest girl crush….

April 13th 2015

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there’s a new girl in the house, and we’re all crushing HARD.

11 days ago “sutton sinclair” decided to show up to the dance party…..early.

we had a week in the nicu because she was so little, but we’re home now and overdosing on all the happy.

priscilla clearly has a new favorite; i have been officially replaced.

monday happy to you m’loves!

feeling grateful,

katie, rob, sutton, jones + priscilla

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